My Winter Solstice

Interestingly, tonight, the last December night of full moon 2010, marks a key moment for many humans. Tonight the full moon meets the Winter solstice... I mean that, tonight, at a precise, unique and brief moment in time (23h38 UTC to be exact!), while the full moon is smiling at me, the Earth's axial tilt will be the farthest away from the Sun for split seconds before it shifts back and sets off the reversal of the gradual lengthening of nights and shortening of days. How beautiful is that? SubhanAllah.

Winter solstice has always been a key moment and it will always be. Indeed, this darkest, coldest time of the year is at once the most dreaded and most hopeful of times. It is the period when, throughout human history, people have feared the possibility that days might continue to get shorter, and nights longer, with the inevitable demise of life. Indeed, light and life go together, as do darkness and death. Winter solstice is a celebration of light and life, and I like this idea. I am not a pagan, a Zuni Indian, a Pakistani Kalash, or an Iranian Zoroastrian, but I do love light and warmth and I do wait 6 months a year for the moment the days will start to lengthen again.

In my life, today is a key moment too. I have never felt so determine to see the light and shine come back. I have been inspired by friends, here in France, but also from all over the world, via the magic tool of Internet. UK, Spain, Turkey, Canada, USA, Colombia, Brunei, and more... Most of them female, most of them with the purest hearts and intentions. Weeks after weeks, they were by my side, without asking why I had huddled-up in my corner. 

Dropping a text, a line in an email, chatting with me about the latest news in their lives; they came to me with their love, compassion and care, even if some hadn't seen me in months or years. They just spoke to me, shared their stories, sent me poems, songs or lectures, and, most importantly, they kept me in their thoughts, in their prayers, so close to their hearts.

I said most of them were female, each of them with her own personality, culture, belief... Yet, all present and attentive, they surrounded me and made me feel OK. So to this I say: May God, the All-knowing, bless and strengthen female solidarity always. Ameen. 

I am deeply thankful and grateful that day after day... they helped me, often unintentionally, to get to MY Winter solstice. 

Today I found myself the farthest away from my past. Today I am ready to confront whatever is to come. 

Don't let yourself melt away woman!

(Cause you ain't snow!)

I was preposterous and arrogant before when telling depressed people that low-spirit and depression were not real diseases. And that it would certainly not affect me because I always forced myself to see and focus on what is good.I was younger too though - also I admit it is not an excuse. If you ever recognise yourself... I apologise for having had the nerves to say it to you.

Even if I am still unsure whether or not I have experienced depression, I can however confirm I had very low-spirited days. To my understanding of the phenomenon, our past, our thoughts, and the way we deal with them, are most often what makes us go down the wrong roads.

But I know how not to let them control me. However, what I find harder to control are feelings and emotions related to love. By this I mean the feelings that you may experience because of a person you love, because of how he or she may be with you and how you find your place in this supposedly secure relationship.

My place was optional. Yes, I was an option, may sound weird to you, but it actually is the place that most women will only ever get. Don't worry, for so long I was blind, I thought it was a real commitment, and it became clear to me only very recently it really wasn't.

Interestingly, I believe that the one to blame is me and me only. I choose to associate with certain people.... and so I must deal with the consequences. But I can't say that I am cool with what men do these days. I heard so much unbelievable stories about couples, all showing a snarer side of men, manipulating women and sucking the life out of them, without expressing gratitude, affection or compassion to the women standing by their side like proper soldiers of love.

Yes soldiers of love, women are truly amazing. I find beautiful how much love, patience and bravery women have in them. They do have an incredibly steady potential for love, forgiveness and compassion, but where is the balance in this world? How do we learn to control our potential as female so we don't let our emotions take us downhill?

May be we just don't.

May be it is time for men to self-introspect and change.