My Winter Solstice

Interestingly, tonight, the last December night of full moon 2010, marks a key moment for many humans. Tonight the full moon meets the Winter solstice... I mean that, tonight, at a precise, unique and brief moment in time (23h38 UTC to be exact!), while the full moon is smiling at me, the Earth's axial tilt will be the farthest away from the Sun for split seconds before it shifts back and sets off the reversal of the gradual lengthening of nights and shortening of days. How beautiful is that? SubhanAllah.

Winter solstice has always been a key moment and it will always be. Indeed, this darkest, coldest time of the year is at once the most dreaded and most hopeful of times. It is the period when, throughout human history, people have feared the possibility that days might continue to get shorter, and nights longer, with the inevitable demise of life. Indeed, light and life go together, as do darkness and death. Winter solstice is a celebration of light and life, and I like this idea. I am not a pagan, a Zuni Indian, a Pakistani Kalash, or an Iranian Zoroastrian, but I do love light and warmth and I do wait 6 months a year for the moment the days will start to lengthen again.

In my life, today is a key moment too. I have never felt so determine to see the light and shine come back. I have been inspired by friends, here in France, but also from all over the world, via the magic tool of Internet. UK, Spain, Turkey, Canada, USA, Colombia, Brunei, and more... Most of them female, most of them with the purest hearts and intentions. Weeks after weeks, they were by my side, without asking why I had huddled-up in my corner. 

Dropping a text, a line in an email, chatting with me about the latest news in their lives; they came to me with their love, compassion and care, even if some hadn't seen me in months or years. They just spoke to me, shared their stories, sent me poems, songs or lectures, and, most importantly, they kept me in their thoughts, in their prayers, so close to their hearts.

I said most of them were female, each of them with her own personality, culture, belief... Yet, all present and attentive, they surrounded me and made me feel OK. So to this I say: May God, the All-knowing, bless and strengthen female solidarity always. Ameen. 

I am deeply thankful and grateful that day after day... they helped me, often unintentionally, to get to MY Winter solstice. 

Today I found myself the farthest away from my past. Today I am ready to confront whatever is to come. 

Don't let yourself melt away woman!

(Cause you ain't snow!)

I was preposterous and arrogant before when telling depressed people that low-spirit and depression were not real diseases. And that it would certainly not affect me because I always forced myself to see and focus on what is good.I was younger too though - also I admit it is not an excuse. If you ever recognise yourself... I apologise for having had the nerves to say it to you.

Even if I am still unsure whether or not I have experienced depression, I can however confirm I had very low-spirited days. To my understanding of the phenomenon, our past, our thoughts, and the way we deal with them, are most often what makes us go down the wrong roads.

But I know how not to let them control me. However, what I find harder to control are feelings and emotions related to love. By this I mean the feelings that you may experience because of a person you love, because of how he or she may be with you and how you find your place in this supposedly secure relationship.

My place was optional. Yes, I was an option, may sound weird to you, but it actually is the place that most women will only ever get. Don't worry, for so long I was blind, I thought it was a real commitment, and it became clear to me only very recently it really wasn't.

Interestingly, I believe that the one to blame is me and me only. I choose to associate with certain people.... and so I must deal with the consequences. But I can't say that I am cool with what men do these days. I heard so much unbelievable stories about couples, all showing a snarer side of men, manipulating women and sucking the life out of them, without expressing gratitude, affection or compassion to the women standing by their side like proper soldiers of love.

Yes soldiers of love, women are truly amazing. I find beautiful how much love, patience and bravery women have in them. They do have an incredibly steady potential for love, forgiveness and compassion, but where is the balance in this world? How do we learn to control our potential as female so we don't let our emotions take us downhill?

May be we just don't.

May be it is time for men to self-introspect and change.

Swansea: the impossible rebound

First I had lost track of time. What’s the time? In reality? Or in my body? I was in distress and it took me a good five days to join the local pattern again...

But once I was biologically synchronised, I soon realised that the change of scenery, the return from warm, shinny, exotic and intriguing Japan is harder than I expected. Despite a shy Welsh sunshine, it seems almost impossible to overcome the gloom of Swansea.

As I am walking down the street of this city, a strong sense of sickness is taken over my whole body. I cannot be there anymore. It is an oppressing feeling. I am disgusted by the smells, by the buildings, by the people. Nothing in this place makes me want to smile. Even the sea, the bay and the view over the Mumbles that for so long used to feel me with joy and stretch my mouth to a big smile, seem now to have lost their powers.

What happened? When did I start seeing things so differently? Well I don’t want to put any new comers off, because Swansea can still be a nice place to be if you like to drink and party and sleep all day to wake up in the evening and never see the colours of the city. When it comes to make a life... Swansea itself has rather little to offer.

I can’t help but close my eyes thinking of Japan and remember the warm and steamy smell in the air, remember the feeling of my perspiration running down my back... these big and warm drops. I loved their rayless sun and the constant mist in the skies because of the continuous steam evaporating from the seas around the island.

I have been in Swansea too long... I come from the sun and the warmth... I come from a place where the asphalt liquefies under the heat, where the grass transforms into hay in the count of a few weeks over the summers, where I can’t sleep at night because the city never cools down.

But is Japan really the reason why I feel so uncomfortable back here? Is the shock between this two completely opposite place the reason of my anxiety and restlessness?

No, it is because the dearest person to my heart has left Swansea... so, all of a sudden I wake up to the actual reality; I see with the eyes of the common people, I see Swansea for what it is.

I need to leave, escape this place.

Tokyoite Madness

Going around Tokyo is not a sinecure... Finding a specific place is a real challenged, even when you have a great sense of orientation – like me – you never know if you will end up at the right place. Streets have no names and Tokyoites are probably even less aware of what is where than you are. This city itself (without its suburbs) is worse than a bee hive, with 13 million people living in it and probably more people during the day time. This place doesn’t stop, doesn’t sleeps.

I have been to NY and honestly, Tokyo is way more grandiose, way more worth the long-haul flight and the jet-lag...

During the same day, my mood can oscillate between: I am in ecstasy, it is the best place ever, and why did I ever decided to come to this urban jungle where no machete seems to be resistant enough?

Today I took the train to the Takao Mountain at 5Okm West of Tokyo, I found myself in a real and lush sub-tropical jungle, with endless trees and amazing sightseeing, although I did not see the Fujiyama which was in the clouds, again (I already missed it from the Tokyo Tower cause it was way too cloudy).

I was actually happy to come back to Tokyo, the city of madness. I was happy to sit in the metro and gaze at this wide range of clothing and hair-style, from the much blunt business man: white shirt, dark suit and dark-red or blue tie; to the crazy ‘cosplay’ teenagers, gothic, manga and whatnot...

I feel at ease here, no one cares who you are, no one stare at you, no one is rude... what is up with us in the West? Go to Paris, London, Madrid, New York and you will always be confronted to some kind of rudeness... “Well you know, Western metropolis are crowded, busy and no one has time to be kind...” Well, Japan is part of the West, so why are they so relax, so kind and ready to help you?

I think we have much to learn from the Japanese... I think despite the ambient madness, Tokyo really is a nice place to fast and spend some days of the month of Ramadhan.

My Japanese Anachronism

After being stuck for 12 hours in a row in the smallest space I could possibly fit in, stuck between my mum and a 40 years-old -and loud- Japanese dude who was pretty much a visual expression of what I imagine is the Japanese pop culture: dyed hair, colourful shirt, interesting mix-match of jewellery; I landed in Narita, Tokyo.
Airports are similar to one another, no matter where you land. Except maybe, the extreme niceness and politeness of the indigenous population...
Japanese are calm, courteous, helpful and, to my highest pleasure, tidy and clean!

The weather is what I expected: extremely warm and humid... It smells and strangely feels like in my beloved Spanish village, where I spent all the summers of my childhood, Altea...

Finding our way to our hotel, using all kind of transportation modes and walking in all kind of places, gave me a good, whole, first glimpse of what Tokyo is. It is a rather strange mixture of what I have already seen.
The streets are organised squarely and are rather large... just like those in the USA or Canada. They are no cars parked in the streets, parking is organised like in NY; there are special plots all over the city where you pay to put your car.
The subway's architecture and shallowness also reminded me of NY's.
The architecture, just like the ambient air and feeling, is just like Spain or some corners of Latin America... it is crazy, I really felt like walking in a Spanish neighbourhood of the Costa Blanca, unless I was 7000 miles away...

Another resemblance that hit me is that they ride bikes just like in Holland, they love it and streets are organised in a rather similar way in order to allow people to ride easily and safely.
The orderliness in Japan reminds me of Britain, this all weird and almost magic love for rules and the deep, alienated respect Japanese, or Britons, have for them.

So far, I have not found any resemblance with my home-county... unless may be, the passion of the Japanese for good food.

I saw cemeteries that looked like nothing I have seen before. I know that Japanese have a sacred respect for their dead and they sort of worship them... The ancients are of the highest importance and this week is Obon week, the week celebrating the dead, during which Japanese travel to visit their families.
Japanese are eclectic in term of spirituality, a lot of syncretism if going on here... I would argue that they have a higher sense of the spiritual than the rest of the Western world... which is what I can compare them with in term of development and progress.

Japan is this strange anachronistic mix of traditions, ancient values and beliefs, with this extreme love for newness in technologies that are higher than high; for fashion, as they are always looking for the next stuff that would be the trend and which they abandon almost immediately, because the rhythm of life and discovery is proper hectic...

I am living in a proper anachronism, lost tracks of time with the 12 hours jet-lag (in my face!)

I strangely feel home here...

I think I do because of the animated cartoons I watched during my childhood. Creamy Mami, Ranma 1/2, Dragon Ball Z. I feel like I have been here before, I already walked down these streets, already saw been to these places, seen those ads, heard these people, and ate this food...

Men were these white terry towels on their heads, old people wear black (also like in Spain BTW), and women are hiding from the sun under these cute and tiny sunshades... I told you, it is familiar, I have been here before...

Looking back I never would have imagined,
From the first look until today, under the beam,
Such dazing adventures could have emanated.
Life is filled with restless emotions, yet serene.
A daily struggle, a battle, but without spite,
In a race for happiness, I flee confusion,
Shape me, I become unruly, full of insight,
Mind inside-out, should I give into temptation?

MaD
4 August 2010

Toga Of The Warrior

Losing myself in warrior games, intertwined flesh,
The smell is hardly familiar, finely timeless.
From the sheet, trapped, or rather, wrapped in a toga,
Feel prisoner, yet with a slight sense of éclat.
My odd desire to win you never leaves me,
Tights up the bars of my cage, suffocating me,
And drawing me closer from my own perdition.
Will I find the courage to answer the question?


Mariana Dussin
1st August 2010

Catharsis

May be with a pinch of salt from the sea of your emotions,
You would have been able to create dreams rooted in pure ambitions.
You would have lived a dream, awakened, not simply navigating,
To lost places, where even the compasses of the mind can't access feelings.
Look up, breathe in, walking towards what is your destiny, reality.
Connect, exchange with yourself, understand the one inside you pity.
Poem by Mariana Dussin
29 July 2010

Réflexion : l’impact de la culture politique française sur l’identité musulmane.

Pour répondre à la question sur la définition de l'identité française :

Qu'est-ce que c'est d'être français? La France est le pays de la révolution et des droits de l'homme. Les français aiment l'homogénéité, ils sont laïques, républicains et n'aiment pas savoir ce que les autres pensent que ce soit au niveau de l'opinion religieuse ou politique. L'identité française n'est pas seulement un passeport ou une CI, ou encore parler la langue. L'identité française c'est embrasser les valeurs de la république (démocratique et sociales), de la laïcité, de la citoyenneté... c'est le désire d'uniformité de la population. On se ressemble tous et pas de place pour le communautarisme ou autres "fléaux" nuisant a l'uniformisation de la population. La révolution a lancé le mot: "Tous unis... sous un même drapeau". C'est-à-dire en gros: tous identiques... pas de différenciation, d'auto-détermination envisageable.

Evidemment ce sont mes mots, ma compréhension de la notion d'identité française comprise à travers l'histoire et les faits d'actualité. Je pense que je me rattache à l'identité politique du pays, car elle forme les citoyens.

La France républicaine et laïque... une dénomination unique dans le monde, aucun autre pays n'a ces valeurs, par conséquents... les français : nous sommes uniques.
Nos valeurs sont démocratiques, sociales, et citoyennes.

Vu simplement, sans creuser, je trouve que la France est un pays dont les valeurs sont très proches de celle de l'Islam: les valeurs démocratiques, que l'on retrouve en Islam avec la notion de "shura", une valeur fondamentale dans la pensée sociopolitique islamique; les valeurs sociales, là encore la "zakat" qui est un pilier de l'Islam et un parfait exemple de l'importance du social et de la morale dans l'Islam. Les autres valeurs clefs à l'établissement d'un système politico-social islamique sont l'égalité, la dignité et la justice, très proches des valeurs républicaines de notre chère France.

Donc si on compare les valeurs républicaines et celles tirées de l'Islam... elles sont incroyablement proches... pourtant, la France n'est pas musulmane ou islamique! Et malheureusement nombres d'états musulmans ou islamiques sont très loin d'appliquer de telles valeurs et principes pourtant centraux a l'Islam.

La France est laïque... il n'y a pas d'équivalent de la laïcité française dans le reste du monde. Laïcité n'est pas la simple séparation des pouvoirs politiques et religieux appliquée par un grand nombre d'états. Laïc n'est pas synonyme de séculier.
La laïcité est une caractéristique propre à l'identité politique de la France, elle forme le paysage socioculturel du pays dans lequel j'ai grandi, ou j'ai été éduquée... forcement cette valeur fait un peu partie de moi.

Comme certains le font remarquer en Belgique, ou encore comme ici au Royaume-Uni, la séparation de l'état et de l'église n'a pas les même applications que celles que l'on peut trouver en France. Et malheureusement, la rigidité de la France face à la religion a tendance à contaminer ou mal inspirer certains pays.
Je me l'explique ce fait par l'histoire: la France a séparé les pouvoirs religieux et politiques dans le but de protéger l'état... alors que dans le cas des autres pays séculiers, la séparation a servi à protéger l'église!

Je comprends la laïcité française comme étant l'application extrême et rigide de la séparation du religieux dans tous les domaines de la vie publique. Le but entant de créer un espace vide d'appartenance religieuse, un espace social, culturel et politique uniforme. Et par conséquent: des citoyens semblables les uns aux autres, sans groupes à l'écart, sans communautarisme.
La laïcité a ses bons cotes, mais laisse aussi facilement place à la dérive selon le gouvernement en place et les manipulations médiatiques.

Donc, il faut être clair, et pas faire de mélange entre les applications des droits de l'hommes et celles les valeurs républicaines per se. La France est le pays des droits de l'hommes et les applique dans certains domaines comme la santé ou tout le monde a le droit de recevoir les soins qui lui sont nécessaires, peu importe l’état de son compte en banque, son origine ethnique, ses croyances religieuses ou affiliations politiques. En effet, les droits de l'homme garantissent l'égalité de traitement quelque soit l'origine ethnique ou la religion... ou vraiment?

Je reste convaincue que l'héritage révolutionnaire et les valeurs républicaines transforment un peu cet idéal d'égalité. En France, on aime pas la différence et on le dit.

Je pense être française et musulmane, avec certaines valeurs politiques et sociales que j'ai hérité de ma culture française. J'ai la chance de pouvoir voir les points positifs de la culture politique en France, mais aussi les négatifs, et j'ai aussi la chance de voir les similarités des valeurs françaises avec les valeurs de l'Islam, qui, malheureusement, ne sont ni appliquée justement et correctement par la France ou les pays musulmans... ont est tous un peu loin de l'idéal... et certains plus que d'autres.

Bref… je suis torturée mais pas trop!